Marriage and the Unnecessary Button: How We Reconcile Marital Differences

Posted on Jul 8, 2011 by Chelo in Marriage, on Faith, People, Reflections | 13 comments

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Introductions

It’s Friday! Wow. Time flies.

Today is “My Corner” (update. that category is replaced by “Reflections“)  day and despite the narcissistic title, my motives are still charitable

Being in cyberspace and all, what are the chances I’m going to meet you (yes you! reading this right now) in person? Aside from my 4 regular readers of course: Mama, my hubby, dear older sister, and dear younger sister …the possibilities aren’t much. So a little peek in my personal life might be useful to let you know the person behind Home and Bahay is indeed, a person.

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So here we go…

The Baby

This is Baby girl. She loves hanging out in her “onesie” because it’s hot here in Florida.

If you ever come by and see us and she happens to be in her favorite getup, make sure to check for the unnecessary button.

So what?

Notice it. Because that, my friend, is what used to be a potential recipe for disaster.

A “conflict material” for people like me and my husband.

You see…

The Marriage.

Last week, my hubby-dubs and I celebrated our 4 years of marriage. Yep. It has been a blissful life of sweet, romantic, ease. Marriage bliss…

NOT!

It’s more like…

“Hi my name is Chelo. This is my hubby-dubs.

We’ve been married 4 years and happily married for 2.5 years.“

Confused?

If you’re one of the four said readers above, you know what I mean. If not, well perhaps I can tell you about it one of these days…if you stick around

You see, hubs and I are very different. How? He’s a boy and I’m a girl. That’s a big enough difference. Add to that the cultural difference, he’s American and I am Filipino (Oy! Kamusta).

But the real fire starter for all our conflict is our similarity:

We are both dirty-rotten-selfish-sinners (now try saying that 3 times).

The “happily married” part is because of God’s amazing grace.  Once we learned that we needed to love Him more and that we must love the other before self…things started getting better.

ALSO, our marriage relationship got a lot better and happier when we (mainly me) started realizing that some things just aren’t sin-issue. Some things that my husband does are simply his preferences, what he likes. Some things are simply his personality, who he is.

Like this:

Conflict Material?

I don’t didn’t like the unnecessary button. You see in the past, my thought process would have been something like:

Okay maybe a little bit exaggerated. So,

How about these:

• He plays video games
• He’s too quiet
• He’s too outgoing
• He uses handkerchief
• He squeezes the toothpaste tube in the middle
• He doesn’t like pepper on his eggs
• He doesn’t like crowds
• He’s itchin’ to go some place other than here
• He tinkers in the garage
• He hates the outdoors
• He’s too tight with money
• He’s always making jokes
• He’s way too serious
• He spends likes crazy
• He dips sushi in sweet and sour BBQ sauce
• He’s always at the gym
• He takes care of his car too much
  
  

   

Shall I go on? Maybe you get the point.

There countless of ways that I can pick apart my hubby. Examples above are general (only some are his. and no, am not telling which ones ). Innumerable are the ways we can differ. But  does’t mean we can’t get along and play nice.

It’s all in the “Remember”.

When my husband changes our baby’s diaper, he leaves the middle button of the onesie…undone.

“It’s unnecessary”, he says.

So. I smile and ponder (on good days) the fact that

he.changed.the.stinkin’.diaper.

I must:

• Complement my husband’s personality: Complement. Look it up. Ever heard, “if you and your spouse are the same, then one of you is unnecessary“?. God made me and my personality to complement that of my husband’s (Genesis 2:18). He didn’t make me to change my husband (or vice versa). If it were the case then I think the Home and Bahay family would be oh-so-booooringgg.

• Remember my husband’s preference: Be nice!  Ephesians 4:32, Titus 2:3-5 )If it’s not sinful…chill and be nice (I take myself too seriously sometimes).

• Remember to be thankful (Colossians 3:15) and give thanks (1 Thes 5:18). Be grateful!

Oh but I FAIL (I have atleast 4 people that will testify to that fact).

Miserably.

Often.

…and I will continue to.

Tsk tsk tsk.

Ahhh…But that’s the beauty of God’s mercy and grace. It’s new every morning, its free and abundant.

Hebrews 4:16, 2 Corinthians 12:9.

It really is okey to be different…Do you have any marriage funny/interesting differences story? An unnecessary button? Wanna share how you got over it? Be nice.

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